Oh by golly; or, BS does Christmas

Christmas Eve! The holidays snuck up on me this year, probably due to the fact that I was working up until two days ago, so everything seems to be happening very suddenly. For example, wrapping presents! Well. Wrapping one, and writing IOUs for the two I haven't yet finished, because nothing says Christmas like an IOU in a box. 

What else says Christmas? My mother watching 2012 political ads promoting the Republican Presidential candidates, all of whom seem to be increasingly crazyface. Ron Paul has apparently ripped off a Ford Truck commercial. This is the latest news from the S house this afternoon. This holiday season, I am most thankful for politically progressive parents, especially my blog-reading mother. I wish as many people paid this much attention to political goings-on, as opposed to repeating the hated words: "I just really don't like politics." Well, yes, most people don't like politics, but as the goings-on of the government affect us on a daily basis, we should be involved, or at least aware of what is going on.

But I digress. It is Christmastime, and I am a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant looking to celebrate. I should point out right now that it has been a long time since Christmas represented anything terribly religious (the birth of Jesus not being anywhere near the most important event in Christianity--that distinction belongs to either the death or resurrection, in my opinion--and said birth not having even occurred on December 25, in any case), but rather a time of year to gather with friends and family and do nice things for each other. Colored lights, hot spiced wine, and animated holiday specials are also involved. To that end, I would like to share with you, dear reader(s), a list of my five favorite movies to watch at Christmas time. Aaaaand awayyyy we go:

1. A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

A friend of mine once told me that, as a child, he had never seen the end of A Charlie Brown Christmas. "We had a VHS tape of all of these Christmas specials--Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman--and Charlie Brown was the last one, but the tape ran out five minutes from the end of the special, which made it really depressing: 'You suck, Charlie Brown. Go die. Aaaaaand, scene.'" I always thought the last five minutes felt a little tacked on, myself, but I do appreciate the character of Charlie Brown and his disillusionment with the modern commercialization and commodification of Christmas, and Schroeder's squabbling with Lucy Van Pelt over "Jingle Bells" makes me giggle every time I watch it. Charlie Brown, congratulations: you have made the list.

2. The Snowman (1982)

The Snowman, based on the children's book by Raymond Briggs, is the first video I remember watching as a child every winter. It is not, strictly speaking, Christmas-specific, but where stories about children befriending magically animated snowmen are concerned, I prefer this to the old Frosty the Snowman cartoons. As a child, I watched this 20-minute-long animated short on a beat-up VHS tape my parents had owned since, I assumed, the invention of the VCR. As an adult, I sought it out on DVD and now make friends and family watch it every year at wintertime. The plot, which follows a young boy and the snowman he has built as they sneak out of the house without waking the boy's parents, fly through the air to a snowman dance, and meet Father Christmas, is told entirely without dialogue, but through music. "Walking in the Air," the song which accompanies their flight to the North Pole, is still one of the most gorgeous pieces of music I have ever heard.

3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)

Firstly, I am absolutely not talking about the 2000 live-action film of the same name, starring Jim Carrey in the title role. That movie was awful, and does not even deserve to be considered in the same league as the 1966 TV special. So, to the explanation: I will confess to occasionally exhibiting Grinchlike tendencies during the holidays--a bit more subtle than Ebenezer Scrooge, I am less apt to "Bah Humbug!"than to wince at the noise from screaming children opening their toys, saying, "Oh my God, will you please shut up?!" This year, however, I am living with a roommate who is brilliant at living with a Grinch and insisted that we put up Christmas decorations, including multicolored lights with candy canes hanging from them, two days after Halloween, thereby effectively forcing me into the Christmas spirit. Also, we bake a lot, and baking makes me think of winter holidays. Since then, my heart has apparently grown three sizes from its previous two-sizes-too-small, because I cry at just about everything remotely sentimental. So, there. This is probably my favorite of all the Christmas TV specials, and not just because I find the stop-motion claymation specials from the 1960s and 70s incredibly creepy.

4. Peter and the Wolf (2006)

I am aware that Peter and the Wolf is not, strictly speaking, a Christmas film, but for some reason I always find myself watching it during the winter holidays, possibly because it is set during the Russian winter and features several characters who are animals and believe they are people? I guess? Either way, as the daughter of two musicians, I have always been aware of Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf, been able to sing all of the themes and identify their corresponding instruments, and have watched/listened to about a thousand different versions. Suzie Templeton's 2006 stop-motion animation is my favorite of all those I have seen. Maybe this preference is due to the fact that this version removes the traditional narrative voice-over, thus de-cluttering the story and allowing the music to move the plot along. I do know that I like the ending, which is unlike any Peter and the Wolf I have ever seen, and which tends more towards gritty realism than tacked-on happy endings. Either way, this animated short is stark and funny and sad and beautiful, and I look forward to forcing my friends and family to watch it with me for many years to come.

5. Nativity! (2009)

This one is a bit of a late edition, as I just recently had occasion to watch it when it was made available for Instant Streaming on Netflix. And oh. my. God. Martin Freeman, whom I have long considered to be The Perfect Human Being, stars as Paul Maddens, a failed actor-turned-primary-school-teacher, who has developed an antagonist relationship toward Christmas after being chucked my his girlfriend on Christmas Day but is nonetheless selected to direct a group of misfit students in the school's Nativity play, assisted by a character best described by the words "idiot man-child." And then everything goes horribly wrong. I laughed until I cried, and then I cried because it was all so heart-warming (again with the unexpected warming of my cold, black heart), and then I laughed a little more. I have loved Martin Freeman since he was Tim Canterbury on The Office, and I'm so pleased that he's finally getting a bit of international recognition with the success of Sherlock and the upcoming Hobbit films. So, Nativity? Watch it. The DVD isn't available in the United States (I've looked), but it is on Netflix.

And now I must be away, as it is about time to order the Traditional Christmas Burrito from the local biker bar/Mexican restaurant. No, I am not joking, except about the "Traditional" bit. My family, you guys. My family.

Living la vie boheme; or, Life imitates art

At last! After two weeks of sitting shivering in my makeshift home-office in front of the heating vent, fingerless mittens on, a scarf wrapped twice around my neck, and a blanket over my lap, I have located the source of the draft in our apartment. Unfortunately, all this gets me is a sense of accomplishment, since the draft is coming from our laundry room and I can't actually do anything about it. Later this week, I may stop by JoAnn to pick up some fleece to block the space between the door and the floor, because this is going to be ridiculous come Thursday.

A slew of knitting commissions rolled in suddenly a couple of weeks ago, and now I'm rushing to finish them all before Christmas. So far, the benefit of living in a cold climate seems to be an increased appreciation of warm hand-knit goods. In addition, there are two finished pairs of fingerless mittens about to be listed on my Etsy shop, and several purses worth of fabric to cut and construct. The sense of productivity helps my mood during the holiday season which, as usual, has its difficulties.

Here's the thing about the holiday season: every year, it seems as if society is scheming to make us all self-loathing between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day. It's clearly no accident that the holiday season inevitably marks a sharp uptick in the amount of advertising money handed over to every major television channel by online dating services and weight-loss companies. The strategy is brilliant: as we head into a holiday characterized by gift-giving, we are told, as individuals, that we are somehow less complete because of our lack of material possessions. How do we regain our feeling of self-worth? By seeking out romantic relationships. What do we feel makes us more desirable to others? Weight loss. The  extreme self-denial required by most fad diets advertised on television leads to a feeling of physical emptiness, and to fill that void we purchase more material things, and so forth.

This is, of course, a long-winded explanation of (although certainly not a justification for) the utter Grinchiness I have been dealing with at work in recent days. Listen, I understand that most people don't have home phones any more, that text messaging has made us a more casual society, that fewer people are aware of the basic rules of etiquette, blah blah blah kids these days and their haircuts and their rock music, but there are a few important things to remember when working in an administrative setting and dealing with telephones. The doctor is in:

• When answering a telephone at your place of employment, please state its name, as well as your own name. This eliminates the need for the inevitable awkward "Have I reached the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? May I please speak with Albus Dumbledore?" exchange, in which the caller has not reached Hogwarts, but instead the Royal Philharmonic of Durmstrang.
• If you have questions, please ask them one at a time and allow a reasonable amount of time for a response between them.
• Never start a sentence with "I'm sure you're a lovely person, but . . . " because the second half of that sentence is rarely anything short of a thinly-veiled insult.
• It is rude to hang up on someone. It is rude to hang up on someone. Even if you said goodbye, if you cut the other person mid-sentence and did not hear them say "Goodbye" as well, you have still just hung up on someone. And you may just be a terrible person.

Do you know who I love so far, though? Every single person with whom I have spoken in Scandinavia, and most in Switzerland and Belgium. Attention, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Switzerland, and Belgium: the next time I have a party, you are all invited. Germany, you can swing by, too, but try not to start any fights--I've got my eye on you.

This new life as an Employed Person/Actual Productive Member of Society (as opposed to my previous state of Embarrassing Drain on Society) is nice, though. I'm tired almost all the time, but I'm insanely productive most of the time while still managing to cut down majorly on my coffee intake and sleeping the recommended number of hours per night. As a pleasant side-effect to getting enough sleep, the desire to punch someone in the face occurs far less frequently, which is important for reasons of I Don't Need An Assault Charge On My Record Right Now. At the moment, life feels a little bit like an indie comedy film, something between Garden State and Harold and Maude. And maybe a little bit like La Boheme, since I can't really afford to turn up the heating much above 65 degrees and, sometimes in my knitting, I make flowers that "ahimè, non hanno odore." My voice teacher said in my last lesson, "My God, so you're actually Mimi, huh?" Yes. Pretty much.