Re-toxing; or, BS is back on the bean

As it turns out, During A Show is the wrong time to quit coffee. Granted, so is Right Before Independence Day, but this is something I really should have figured out the last time I did a caffeine detox, which was also the day we started full choir/orchestra rehearsals for the Grand Rapids Symphony's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. As you can imagine, that, too, was a disaster. And so, as of Wednesday night, my detox has become what I am referring to as a "re-tox," because a BS without coffee is like a hamster without a wheel. Or something. One can only hope that, as my blood becomes infused with caffeine once more, my ability to form coherent and clever metaphors returns. Until then, we'll all have to mourn the absence of my cutting wit.

We're a week from opening night of Dido and Aeneas, and I'm certain that this is going to be one of those shows that mysteriously comes together at the last second, baffling everyone involved, because right now we're in a bit of a panic. The principal cast has, thank goodness, been the same throughout (apart from one soprano replacing another as the titular character in Holst's Savitri, which happened early enough in the process that it was more or less a non-issue), but we've had a hell of a time holding onto a chorus. The poor director was scrambling at the beginning of last month trying to secure a small group of eight singers--two each of SATB--and thought he'd found most of them, until they began dropping like flies (by "like flies," I mean, of course, "like people who suddenly realize what they've committed to and begin frantically inventing excuses to back out at the last second"). As a result, actual staging rehearsals and act run-throughs have been pushed aside a few times in favor of music rehearsals and chorus-only staging reviews. I'm confident that we'll come through, as those who remain, and the brave souls who joined the cast at the last moment, are talented, hardworking folks, but we've still got some Sturm und Drang (oh, yes I did) ahead of us.

Incidentally, if you're in the Puget Sound area and you'd like to come see us perform--and the music is absolutely gorgeous in addition to being beautifully sung--we will be giving three performances on July 15, 20, and 23, all at 8 p.m. Further details are here at the Seattle Metropolitan Chamber Orchestra's official website.

No bus adventures during the commute today, unless you count the fact that my bus driver this morning bore an uncanny resemblance to the Church Lady.

Summer laziness has begun to set in, partially due to the fact that it was, for some time, oppressively hot (by Seattle standards, which is sweater-weather by, say, Houston standards). I've fallen shamefully behind on my knitting, due partially to exhaustion--most days, upon arriving home, I collapse on the futon, where I may or may not sleep for the remainder of the evening--and partially to this niggling desire I have to frog the entire progress of my current project and start again so it will be "perfect." However, I've got to finish this project so the needles will be free for the Super Mystery Project I'm knitting for a friend's baby shower next month. Motivation! I have been waiting for it. This weekend will probably involve a fair amount of Sherlock Holmes (the old-school Jeremy Brett stuff, which has been kindly lent to me by the Dido/Savitri director), herbal tea, and quick knitting. It's rained this week, so temperatures have returned to Seattle-normal and my apartment is no longer an oven.

Must begin making real progress on packing, as well, since my return to the Midwest is imminent. I've never had much use for transitional periods--I much prefer going straight from one thing to the next with as little shilly-shallying in between as possible, so this business of having to wait ages between finding an apartment and moving into it has been agonizing. This is due in part to my abhorrence of clutter, and the fact that packing makes such a disorganized mess of everything. As a result, I often put it off until the last second, which I'm sure will not please my parents when they arrive in Seattle to help me move.

But, oh, this move will be worth it. I am so, so impatient to move on with my life, and since I don't plan on settling here, I don't see why I should have to spend any more time here than it takes to complete my studies. I prefer to be in constant motion, and paying two months extra rent to work part-time for minimum wage (no matter how much I like my job) and perform an opera role for the sole benefit of being able to add it to my resume is, at times frustrating. In addition, this two months in Seattle has made one or a few of my  friends/acquaintances here feel as if it is their place to criticize me for my decision to move.

Whoa.

Let's take a moment to delve into the implications of that for a moment, shall we?

By second-guessing my decision to leave the West Coast (best-case scenario), or by trying to make me feel guilty about "leaving them behind" (worst-case scenario), these friends/acquaintances are simultaneously embodying the passive-aggressive behavior that has frustrated me so much since  moved to Seattle, and suggesting that

1. Despite the fact that I am 25 years old and therefore an adult, I am incapable of making decisions based on experience, intuition, and my own needs.
2. Rather than taking the steps necessary to pursue my chosen career path, I should instead stay behind because, in leaving, I might hurt someone's feelings.
3. Their thoughts, ideas, and needs are more important than my own.

Except, yeah. The hell with that. I am in my mid-twenties, strong-minded, and unattached. I am neither leaving a particularly lucrative job nor having to compromise my needs with those of a significant other. I have considered my options, written about a four thousand pro-and-con lists on the subject of conducting another cross-country move, and, as all of them came through as overwhelmingly pro, I feel justified in having made this decision. What frustrates me is when people who have checked off the ticky-boxes alongside the list of goals such as "'real' job" and "discretionary income" and "house" and "children" assume that these acquisitions mean they are better-qualified than I am to make decisions about things which influence my life, as if the fact that I am not willing to settle for the sequence of events society dictates makes me somehow less of an adult. I feel like a teenager again, shouting, "Oh my god, Mom, I know what I'm doing!" I hated it the first time around, even though, in that case, my parents were probably justified. But now I am a grown-up. I buy groceries and pay bills and know how to operate a crock-pot. I don't appreciate being talked down to, especially by peers. In conclusion: if you feel that the past few paragraphs have in any way described you or something you have done, kindly back the hell off.

The sun is shining now, sort of, so I'm off to lunch and back to my book.